Eric's Beijing Diary

Reading a brief essay by F. B. Meyer in Streams in the Desert, a gift from my friends at Blessed Hope: "When you are unsure which course to take, totally submit your own judgment to that of the Spirit of God, asking Him to shut every door except the right one. But meanwhile keep moving ahead and consider the absence of a direct indication from God to be the evidence of His will that you are on His path. And as you continue down the long road, you will find that He has gone before you, locking doors you otherwise would have been inclined to enter. Yet you can be sure that somewhere beyond the locked doors is one He has left unlocked. And when you open it and walk through, you will find yourself face to face with a turn in the river of opportunity--one that is broader and deeper than anything you ever dared to imagine, even in your wildest dreams. So set sail on it, because it flows to the open sea." This is very interesting to me, because it does parallel my own experience relative to coming to China. It's strange, but I am fifty years old, now, and I still know very little about how to find the will of God. But I can point to specific times in my life when I was absolutely sure what I was supposed to do. The fall of 2000 is one if them. That is when I made the decision to go to China. Exactly how I came to that decision is hard to pin down. And I can't tell you a specific date when the decision was made. But somehow, during that period, there was a point where I made a definite decision to give up my life in America and go to China. I know the decision followed a process. But it's very hard for me to describe that process. But somehow, after the fall of 2000, I never had the slightest question about what I was supposed to do. I did not have a job lined up in China. I had no idea just how I was supposed to go to China. But I knew that I knew that I knew that this was what I was supposed to do, and I never questioned that for the smallest fraction of a second. During the months that followed that decision, God spoke to me through Revelation 3 verse 8: "I have set before you an open door, and no man can shut it." God spoke to me very clearly that I should not waste time pounding down closed doors, but look for the one that was open. In the past, I have not always employed this approach. For example, when I determined that I wanted to work at the University where I taught before I came to China, I put together a resume, submitted it, and then kept pestering them until they gave me an interview. But when it came to my move to China, God seemed to be guiding me toward a very different approach. I moved very slowly, always trying not to pursue an option once it was clear that the door was not open. I tried several doors which I would have walked through if they had opened. But they didn't. This is why I was struck this morning by F.B. Meyer's words. Again, one must not build a doctrine of how to be led by God, based on ones own subjective experience, but I can say with absolute conviction that God does lead. He has led me. So where do I go from here? I don't know. I will just wait, and keep looking for the next open door. I know it's there, I just can't see it right now.

Labels: Leading, Summer 2004, Vision